Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
