My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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