I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
pray to the hookup gods
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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