I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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