I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
