Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
