I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
