Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize
