This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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