i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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