i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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