one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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