I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
