I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
