One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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