woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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