so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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