She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
