there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
