I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
