Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
