Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
