the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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