If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
