I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
