okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
