Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
