No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
