I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
