If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
