plz talk dirty to me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
