you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
