So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
