fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
