Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I puked a lego.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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