So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
