you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
