Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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