I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
