Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
