I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
