i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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