I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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