I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
