I can tuck mytits in my pants
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
