I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
