margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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