My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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