Where are you?
In a non slutty way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
