The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
