Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm at about main and main street
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
